Olympic Gold for Your Pets

As we settle in for sixteen days or 23,040 minutes of Olympic viewing, rather than using the 5,000 commercial minutes for Olympic snacking (my usual plan), I pledge to take that time to catch up on my pet chores. Ok, they’re not chores, really.  They’re acts of compassion towards my fellow co-habitants.

Acts I’ve delayed so long that the crust of apricot residue on Gray Bird’s cage has hardened to epoxy strength.  Postponed so long that while hair from Onyx’s short Doberman coat “plinks” onto the floor as she walks, her overlong toenails make four teensy scratches with each step across the hardwood . 

During one break in the action I find the toenail grinding tool.  During the next, I get unwrap the cheese, the incentive for Onyx to lie down in her best imitation of a defeated wrestler.  Then, in my medal event, I “Dremmel” all four toenails during an coverage of an event that I’m not crazy about, like distance running.  I win.  She wins.  The hardwood wins.

Here is a list of my chores which you might want to adapt to make your pets’ Olympic experience golden.  In honor of the opening of the games at the fortunate date 8-8-8 at 8 p.m., I give you, (with the Olympic hymn playing on ancient Chinese folk instruments in the background)

• Brush Onyx. 
• Clean and disinfect food and water bowls. 
• Find Gray Bird’s upstairs perch.
• Bring him upstairs to hang out and learn to whistle the Olympic theme.
• Clean out the pet food cabinet.
• Wash the dog bedding twice. Once with detergent and water. Next with bleach.  This removes dirt, odor, and any “critters” that have taken up residence there.
• Surf net for healthy pet snacks and add to grocery list.
• Add chocolate lovers delight cake to grocery list. (Scratch that, signed Onyx.)

If you have kids, may I suggest this list at your home :

• Find the dog’s leash and hang near the front door.
• During the next break, use it. Dash around the block with your dog and make it back in time for the next track and field event.
• Back yard Olympic poop scoop contest. (Use plastic bags as gloves )
• Teach bird to count Michael Phelps medals.
• Collect the pet toys and store in designated box.
• Trash the dead tennis balls or chewed toys that now have small parts pets can swallow.
• After removing the snapping turtle, pull the dead plants from the aquarium.  Carefully replace turtle onto aquarium haul out rock.  (Hey, the kids picked the turtle.  This is a lesson in personal responsibility.)
• Run new water for the aquarium allowing water to settle overnight. Change a portion of the aquarium water.

Gotta go.  My parrot, Gray Bird, is demonstrating some new moves in the avian gymnastics event and I think Onyx is popping corn in the microwave.  She makes the fat free unbuttered variety, but then you should see her muscles.